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People with problems need our love and support. Sometimes, though, love and
understanding are not enough. In fact, there are times when the harder we try to
fix things, the worse they get.
You may feel concern and even anger. Often, when a person we care about is
unwell, it hurts us, too. Don't ignore warning signs. Trust what you think.
Don't take on the problem yourself. Ask for help. Many people with problems need
professional care to get well.
What can I do?
First, take any threat of suicide (killing oneself) very seriously. If someone
you know is talking about suicide or saying things like, "It would be
better if I wasn't here," or "I want out," get help right away.
Call your local suicide prevention hotline.
You can also:
- Tell the person he or she needs help. Many people who are in
trouble don't think they have a problem.
- Tell the person how you feel. Let him or her know if and how
the problem is hurting you.
- Find out where to get help. Look in the yellow pages under
counseling services, hotlines, and help lines. Call the numbers and ask for
information. Give your friend the phone numbers. Some places to call are
listed at the end of this document.
- Don't confront the person when he or she is angry, drunk, or
high. Wait for a better time.
- Talk to someone else who is close to the person who needs help.
The person in need may be more likely to listen to a clergyman, school
counselor, or another friend or family member.
- Make sure the person gets help. Drive the person to counseling,
if needed. Make sure he or she stays. If the person does not go, keep
trying.
- Set ground rules and stick to them. For example, don't make
excuses for a person who misses work or school because of an alcohol or drug
problem. The person needs to be responsible for his or her actions.
- Keep listening. People with problems may just want to talk.
They may talk about the same problems over and over. That's normal. You may
be tired of hearing it. That's normal, too. Try to be patient. Talking about
a problem may help the person get well.
- Always respond to cries for help. A person may ask for help
several times before taking it. Don't "teach the person a lesson"
by "letting him suffer." Even if the person does not ask for help,
he or she may show signs of wanting help.
- Get help for yourself, if necessary. The healthier you are, the
better you will be able to help the person in need. A support group can make
you feel better about yourself and you can meet people with similar
problems. Seeing that counseling is helping you will show the person in need
that counseling can help others, too.
What can't I do
Just as important are the things you cannot do.
You can't:
- Solve the person's problems.
- Force the person to get help (except in emergencies). You can
keep trying, but he or she must take the final step.
If you are in danger of being physically harmed, get help for yourself first.
Some places to call are listed below.
Who can I call?
National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
Colonial Place Three
2107 Wilson Blvd, Suite 300
Arlington, VA 22201-3042
(800) 950-6264
National Mental Health Association
2001 North Beauregard Street, 12th Floor
Alexandria, VA 22311
(800) 969-6642
Assessment Center Drug and Alcohol Abuse Hotline - (800) 234-0420
National Alcohol and Drug Help Line - (800) 821-HELP (4357)
24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline - (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
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